What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 03:24
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
What is one thing which you cannot stop however hard you try?
I write beautiful poetry .
She was in good health!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Has a psychic ever made a crazy prediction that turned out to be true?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
One cannot live in the past .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And i lived it daily.
Do flat Earthers really exist? Why do they believe the Earth is flat?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was 9 years of age.
I waited trembling.
Even Captain James T. Kirk was trapped in a woman's body. Don't you think he'd support trans people?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I think the readers, may guess!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
How did it feel when experiencing gay sex for the first?
I couldn’t, believe it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What was your biggest culture shock going to Europe?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was scared of men, in general
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Where can I sell naked pics of myself online?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Which type of physical cable has fastest transmission speed?
I don,t even have a pension.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why is it called iOS 26? What happened to iOS 19 for iPhone - 9to5Mac
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She found it foreign!.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We were not on the streets..
She wouldn,t have been !
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We all went to grammer schools
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was very sick at this time too.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It was going to be , some day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Especially a lifetime of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I said to her
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But it wasn’t much.
What did i know ?
Put me off passion for life!!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Ive learnt so much.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So whats the point in blame.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My life is so biszare .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She married twice! .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I will be 64.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
(And it was in our own minds.)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i do to all so called friends.?
This is soul school!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I never cut or harmed myself..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I have no regrets .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Was to survive, this bastard.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My family never makes their pension either.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Comes on , in middle age.
When she asked me how she looked .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But, we were locked up after school.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So, i spoilt her more .
Would this be the day?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She loved him until the end.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im still living with it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was seconnd youngest,
I could never make a relationship work though!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He knew the spot.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
All the time i was locked up.